Wednesday, 04 July 2012
Okay, I feel like bitching, so let's have a good bitch session.
First of all, it's the 4th of July, so of course the fair weather patriots are all out in their booze-drinking glory. It's 93F here in PA today, and half of the population is out having a picnic or cookout today. When half of these idiots, most of which probably adamantly deny that global warming is anything but a political fraud, die of heat stroke when the booze has cut off their ability to sense heat or cold, I don't want to hear the families crying about it. If you do asshole things, you get asshole results. BONUS: Nothing like celebrating your country's heritage by blowing off your hand with a firecracker. If firework debris lands on my roof and in my yard again this year, I'm collecting all of it and dumping it all over the driveways of anyone who was firing them the night before.
On to Facebook, the mecca of bringing my why-did-I-ever-not-hate-you moments, where half of people think they are dying from various illnesses, including, but not limited to: MRSA, cancer, a really bad sore throat that must result in hospitalization, cuts, and poison ivy.
No really, please tell us for the fifth time this week that you are going to work, because I know that we all care so very much where you are at any given time of the day. And while you're there, make sure to send multiple status updates from your phone so we know how hard you must be working for your money.
If some sentient being unfamiliar with the idiocies of people was judging our friends by their profile pictures, it would be apparent that I am friends with three badly-upgraded cars, ten mediocre drawings, six stroller-bound babies that all look the same, a tattoo on the inside of someone's lip stating "YOLO", two dogs (one of which is very obese), a dirty-looking cat, a dark room that apparently contains some sort of group, and two generic buildings, in addition to the several hundred humans on my list, some of which can't be identified since the picture contains more than one bland individual.
Speaking of babies, why do we have to document everything the kid does on your Facebook wall? Aww, your little shit beast just strangled a small animal, HOW CUTE! Better take pictures with your iPhone and show the world of Facebook so that they can enjoy your precious moments too, in almost real time!
Now that I mention photos, I guess about a hundred of my three hundred plus friends are photographers. Instagram really just brings the artsy-fartsy out of everybody, right? Oh, such a nice picture of your Pepsi bottle. I bet professionals couldn't take pictures like your cheap phone does. And those filters? So hipster. You know how impressed the world is by hipsters.
Really, I should just delete my account, but I'm pretty much just as much of a dumbass as everyone else, apparently.
I'm really just a negative Nancy today.